A Conversation I Overheard Between M. Night Shyamalan and His Old Friend

"Do you still watch movies?"
"Do I what?"
"Do you still even go to the movies. Do you remember what you used to like about movies? Or do you just watch the last ten minutes of Twilight Zone episodes every night before you go to sleep"
"I've seen movies"
"Name one good movie in the last 5 years"
"Well, I thought that The Hap..."
"No, movies that you didn't make"
"oh"
(pause)
"I thought Terminator Salvation was pretty heartfelt. I saw it in a theater w/ rumble seats. One of the theaters in my house actually. McG came over and I gave him notes"
"What were your notes like?"
"Oh, I just told him it's fine as it is, but maybe add like a Young Arnold Terminator to it. A CGI Arnold"
"He did"
"Oh good"
"yeah, great"
"What's this all about"
"M. I gotta ask you, do you care what people think about you?"
"Sure"
"Do you read what people say about your movies?"
"I like to read the FRESH reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. Well I get my assistant to highlight the juicy parts, heh heh no pun intended"
"pun?"
"Juicy. Like a tomato. Hold on, let me write that joke down"
"You should read more reviews."
"Why?"
"You are wasting the time and money of people turning a hard economic time."
"The economy isn't so good?"
"The economy isn't so good."
"Well here's the thing. Even if some of the reviews are bad. I think history will reveal my gift. People just aren't ready yet. Maybe they are just focused on filling their bellies and not their minds right now"
"Here's the thing. Your movies aren't classics waiting to be discovered. They aren't being mistreated. At best, AT BEST, someone down the road, years from now, will watch these movies you've been making and say 'ah that wasn't THAT bad'. That's what you have given the future generation of viewers"
"What do you suggest then?"
"I dunno, use your money for good. Start an orphanage or something"
"For some reason that suggestion comes across as racist"
"It's not"
"Listen, time is money and you are wasting my time, therefore my money. I need to get on this conference call to talk with interviewers down at Comic Con. They are really interested in this great new movie I'm presenting."
(man pulls out a gun)
"Wait. Wait. What are you doing with that gun!? Put it down. Put it down!"
"Say nighty night, M Night"
(shoots gun, but the gun turns out to be full not of bullets but of angel particles. These particles come out of the gun, form into a blessed beautiful angel and lift M. Night by his arms, taking him to the top of a nearby mountain top, where a throne is waiting for him. He looks down upon the towns below and smiles)
"I forgive you all"


(True Story: After this photo was taken, the style of sweaters seen here rocketed in popularity, and that is why we now all call turtles "m.nights")